Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
