Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
