don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
