Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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