Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
