tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
