Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I need moral support for this bender
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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