Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
