Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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