I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
