You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
