When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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