Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
