You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
