ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
