someone threw a dead crab at me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
