can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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