I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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