I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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