i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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