so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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