Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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