yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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