I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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