Your dad touched me again.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well you can't waste a boner
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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