That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
