Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
