you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
