you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
