so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
