This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
