I wannas sexs uuuuu
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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