just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
