You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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