i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
