My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
