Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
