The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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