Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i came on her dog
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
