Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
