Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
