Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
