I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
