I'm drive I can fine osifer
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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