At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
