Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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