flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
