ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
