My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
