I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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