my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
