Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
