he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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