Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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