Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Randomize
