i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
