I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
