My liver just broke up with me...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
